Give yourself a little more love on Valentine’s Day

I’d like to wish everyone a happy Valentine’s Day. And not just those in loving relationships, but everyone. For some, today is a painful reminder that they haven’t yet found someone to share their life with. But I think it might be a good day for a more positive reminder — one that I think is far more important.

That reminder is this: before we can be ready to commit to share ourselves fully with another, we must love ourselves first. This is something that my friend Sean Stephenson told me a number of years ago that I only recently began to fully understand.

Last year was quite a trying one for me. Often times we put much of our self worth into things that are not actually ourselves — a job, another person, etc. In my case the vast majority of who I felt I was, and my worth ultimately, was based in my work. And when my company failed, that self worth nearly eroded. Even after, when I met someone who I felt incredibly lucky to spend time and share experiences with, I was still empty of self love and poured much of myself into them instead. So when that too ended in time, I was left looking deeply, painfully inward and realizing that for too long I’ve shown far more love to others than to myself.

Self love is not narcissistic, it’s not selfish, and it certainly doesn’t make one vain. Learning to show love to yourself is about caring and taking responsibility for yours truly. When you love yourself the demons inside your head begin to quiet. When you love yourself the world sees someone who shines rather than succumbs to self-doubt, pity, and sometimes many of the narcissistic traits one would otherwise assume self-love is all about.

Loneliness is at its peak when we don’t love ourselves, and it can breed a nasty, circuitous cycle. But when we decide instead that it’s worth working on ourselves and learn to take our inner critic with a grain of salt, we become more at peace with who we are. In the same way that relationships take work and oftentimes aren’t easy, learning to love oneself is rife with challenges. But also like relationships, the effort invested will show its value in time.

Perhaps we might be able to look at Valentine’s Day a little different — that it’s not just a day celebrating the love we can share with others, but also the love that we can show ourselves.

❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day